


Justifiable

by triste



Category: Soukyuu no Fafner | Fafner in the Azure
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soushi tries to see himself through Kazuki's eyes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Justifiable

Title: Justifiable  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Pairing: Soushi/Kazuki  
Rating: R  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Written for the 30 Smiles LJ community

Themes used: #1 (bulls-eye) and #16 (endless)

 

"I think it would be better for everyone if Minashiro-kun were more honest with his feelings."

Kazuki leaned back and stared up at the sky above pensively. He knew better than anyone that Maya's perceptiveness could be seen as both a gift and a curse. Soushi himself had said that such ability would only be a hindrance during battle, but Kazuki still couldn't help feeling for her.

"Soushi doesn't always do and say the right things," he began hesitantly. “That's just how he is. He's awkward around other people."

Maya smiled humourlessly when she heard that. "Minashiro-kun doesn't like me very much. He only thinks of me as a burden who gets in the way."

"That's not true," Kazuki protested. "Even Soushi acknowledges your aptitude as a pilot."

"But he'd remove me from the current formation, if only he could. He said before that there was no need for me to fight."

"He didn't say that to crush your spirit, Toumi," Kazuki assured her. "Soushi wants you to live just as much as I do."

"If that's the case, he ought to be more considerate of other people's feelings," said Maya, her voice trembling slightly. "He always tells us off for acting selfishly, but there are plenty of times when he's done exactly the same thing himself."

"It can't be helped," Kazuki said. "He means well. Really, he does."

"It's still no reason for him to act the way that he does," Maya told him. "How many times is it now that Minashiro-kun has made you cry? How many times has he spoken without thinking of how you might feel? If you really are his most important person, then he needs to treat you better!"

"It's okay, Toomi," said Kazuki with a smile. "You said it yourself that Soushi isn't always honest with how he feels. I still don't understand him completely yet, but I think I'm getting there."  
"That's because you're kind," said Maya. "You're always trying your hardest. You push yourself so hard sometimes, and it's all for Minashiro-kun's sake."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Kazuki said honestly. "I exist only for Soushi. Everything I do is for him. I can't really explain it that well, but it's kind of like how people belong to a place. For me, Soushi is that place. He's the one that I belong to. Does that sound strange?"

"It's not strange. It is difficult to understand, though, if you've never experienced something like that for yourself. I'll admit that I don't really get it, but if it's a decision that you've already made of your own free will, then I can only respect it. There's no point in fighting if you don't have anything to protect, don't you think?"

Kazuki nodded. "I wouldn't be doing any of this, if not for Soushi. I fight for his sake and for the things that he holds precious."

"And that's why I'll back you up as best I can," Maya said solemnly. "You're not the only one who's making their own decisions, Kazuki-kun. There's something that I need to protect as well. That's why I want to fight, even if Minashiro-kun is so against it. I want everyone to get along. This island is the place where I was born. It's the place where I've been making my memories. I've seen a lot of happiness over the years, and that's the thing I want to protect. I want to help keep that happiness alive, for as long as I possibly can. Your happiness is with Minashiro-kun, right?"

Kazuki looked away, slightly red. "Something like that."

"Then it's my duty to make sure you stay happy," Maya insisted. "That's why you're not allowed to be angry if I get a little nosy from time to time. I know that what's between you and Minashiro-kun is your business, but it's my job to make sure that you don't do anything foolish and ruin things."

"You're not nosy, Toomi," Kazuki said fondly. "Sometimes, I think that you're the only one who has their head screwed on the right way."

"And that's why I have to keep you and Minashiro-kun from doing something stupid," said Maya, giving him her first genuine smile. "Like Shouko, the only thing I could ever do was stand back and watch, and it just felt so endless sometimes, you know? I never realised how lonely it can be when you're excluded. It's as if you're on the outside looking in. That's why I want to be like you and try as hard as I can, now that I've found something I can actually do."

"You've never been helpless. Even when you weren't fighting, there were things that only you were capable of. You're just as accurate with understanding people's emotions as you are with hitting a target. Honestly speaking, I envy you for that."

"There's nothing to be envious of," Maya chided gently. "Hitting bulls-eye has never been difficult, but there are times when I wish I wasn't quite so accurate. They say knowledge is power, but sometimes, I can't help thinking that I hadn't learned half the things I did."

"I guess the truth really can hurt," Kazuki agreed.

"But it's better than not knowing anything at all," said Maya firmly. "I don't want to be sheltered and protected anymore. I just want to do what I can to help. You wouldn't begrudge me of that, would you, Kazuki-kun?"

"If you've already made up your mind, then there's nothing I can do to change it," said Kazuki. "I want you to live, but if you're really that determined to follow me, I won't stop you."

"And that's why you and Minashiro-kun need to talk more. If you do something as simple as that, it makes reaching an understanding so much easier. That's what you want most, right? To understand each other?"

"I just want to be there for Soushi when he needs me. If it's for Soushi, then I'll go anywhere and do anything."

"It must be something special if it's really all for him."

"It is. It's special. *He's* special."

Maya grinned impishly. "No wonder Minashiro-kun is so possessive. If I had something as good as that, I'd never want to let it go." Then her smile softened. "Just make sure to be happy, okay? It's the only request I'll ever give to you."

 

~~

 

Themes used: #17 (mischief) and #27 (high and mighty)

 

"My, what a scary face! No wonder people are afraid to come near you."

"You don't seem too frightened by it."

"Of course not. I'm your sister, after all." Tsubaki sat down next to Soushi, crossing her legs daintily before continuing their conversation. "Why *are* you in such a bad mood, anyway? Everyone else is having fun, so why aren't you?"

"Because I have no desire to actually be here," Soushi said. "I could be doing better things with my time."

“That's no good,” Tsubaki said. “You should be dancing, like everyone else. Is that because you won't? Or is it because you can't?" She smiled knowingly when Soushi deliberately averted his gaze, mischief sparkling in her eyes. "This is supposed to be a party, you know. Enjoy yourself for once.”

Soushi tried another tactic. "Wouldn't you rather be with your friends instead of me?"

"I can do both, can't I?" Tsubaki leaned back with a smile. "It may not be important to you, but this is the first time I've ever attended a party. I got to dance with Seri-chan and Rina-chan and even Chizuru. She's really tall, though, so she let me stand on her feet and we danced like that. It was so much fun!"

Soushi's expression softened a little and he regarded Tsubaki affectionately. "Then you should go back to them and dance some more."

"I will," Tsubaki promised. "And I want to dance with Kazuki, so that he can twirl me again. I got kind of dizzy last time, and he had to help me walk steady for a while, but it was still really good!"

Soushi frowned when he heard that. "You've been having fun with Kazuki?" 

"*He* doesn't sit in a corner and sulk, unlike some people." Tsubaki sighed when Soushi's frown deepened and she nudged him with her elbow in order to get his attention. "You've been avoiding him. You haven't spoken a word to him all night long."

"I would only spoil his evening," Soushi muttered.

"It's too late for that," Tsubaki chided. "He's already worried. He kept asking about you while we danced together. He thinks you're in a bad mood, and that it's all his fault."

"That sounds like Kazuki," said Soushi ruefully. "He always seems to blame himself whenever I give him cause for concern."

"That's because he cares about you," Tsubaki told him. "He doesn't want to see you sad or isolated. Then again, he's too afraid to approach you in case he makes things even worse. He really is a shy boy, that Kazuki. He has a good heart, but he needs a little push in the right direction sometimes. You understand, right?"

"I know how much he's come to rely on me during battle," Soushi said slowly. "He accepts my judgment without question, just like he did when we were children. I was the leader and he was the follower."

"That makes all the more reason for you to go to him," said Tsubaki. "He won't move until you do. It's why you can't afford to be so stubborn and aloof. Kazuki won't respond to that kind of attitude, Soushi. Just ask him to dance. What's holding you back? Kazuki already accepts you. What reason would he have to reject you?"

"But there's still a chance-"

"That he might refuse? That's what you're really frightened of, isn’t it. You're afraid of Kazuki not needing you the same way you need him." Tsubaki giggled when Soushi said nothing. "Go talk to him, silly. You'll never learn anything otherwise."

"I still don't think-"

"Don't be so high and mighty. If I say you're going, then you're going!" Tsubaki tugged him up from his seat. "Do I have to force you all the way across the room in order to do this?"

"That won't be necessary," said Soushi, looking disgruntled. "You want me to leave, so I'm leaving."

Tsubaki pumped her fist encouragingly. "Good luck! Do your best!"

Soushi's expression turned even grimmer when he finally found Kazuki, but he did as Tsubaki had said by sticking his hand out stiffly and speaking in a formal tone of voice. 

"Would you care to dance?"

Kazuki seemed taken-aback, either by Soushi glaring down at him so fiercely or by his sudden request, but he offered up a tentative smile as he rose to his feet. 

"Sure," he said simply, causing Soushi to raise his eyebrows. He hadn't expected it to be quite so easy, and he couldn't help but swallow when Kazuki took his hand.

It was a little awkward to start off with. Soushi's entire body was tense with nerves as he took a step closer and placed his other hand at the small of Kazuki's back, and it only grew worse when they began to move. Kazuki winced when Soushi stood on his foot accidentally and Soushi bit his lip.

"Sorry," he muttered, but it happened again three seconds later, then again after he'd only just finished making another apology.

"You're really bad at this, aren't you?" said Kazuki, looking almost as awkward as Soushi felt.

Soushi nodded mechanically. "Sorry." It was all that he seemed able to say in this state, and he wasn't surprised in the slightest when Kazuki began to pull away from him. Rather than leaving as Soushi had expected, Kazuki sighed and leaned in closer, sliding his arms around Soushi's waist and resting his head against his shoulder.

"Is this better?" he asked.

Soushi nodded once again, glad that Kazuki couldn't see his face right now, which he knew felt far too hot. "I think it might work."

It was certainly easier to refrain from stepping on Kazuki again as they swayed slowly on the spot, and after a while, Soushi found himself beginning to relax. Kazuki seemed remarkably comfortable with the idea of being held by him and Soushi couldn't help wondering if what Tsubaki said earlier had been true.

"Soushi?" Kazuki's voice was barely audible above the noise of the music. "Are you mad or something? You've been so distant lately, and I thought it might have been because of me."

Soushi smiled in spite of himself. "Not everything is your fault, Kazuki. Don't be so willing to take on blame that doesn't even belong to you. But no, I’m not angry.”

They continued to sway in silence until Soushi realised that they were being watched. He could see Tsubaki smiling at them from the other end of the room, and he fought the urge to sigh exasperatedly. Tsubaki wasn't the only one watching them, however, and Soushi tightened his arms instinctively when he caught sight of Maya.

Kazuki glanced up in concern at Soushi's sudden reaction, but Soushi didn't loosen his embrace. "What’s wrong?" 

"It's nothing. There's no need for you to worry."

Kazuki gave a vague sound of assent, but Soushi narrowed his eyes when they found themselves being approached by one of Tsubaki's school friends.

"Makabe-senpai, would you like to dance?" she asked shyly.

"He's with me," Soushi told her coolly before Kazuki could even open his mouth. "It's rude to steal away other people's partners."

Kazuki smiled ruefully as she gave an apologetic bow and then left. "That was mean. Are you always scaring off the underclassmen like this?"

"She was being discourteous," said Soushi bluntly. "Besides, I'm in no way ready to give you up. This dance is still mine. The next one will be, too. So will the one after that.”

Kazuki couldn't help laughing. "You're not planning on letting me go before the evening is over, huh?"

“Absolutely not.” And Soushi meant it, too.

 

~~

Themes used: #18 (little prince) and #23 (weak heart)

 

Soushi is good at keeping secrets. It's because of this fact that he grew up slightly apart from the other children on the island. When he was younger, he'd often envy their blissful ignorance, but as he started to grow, it was just something that he'd come to accept. Like the adults, he'd been forced to keep up a facade. 

He'd been forced to keep the truth hidden for as long as he could. His friends would dream of fame and stardom in a city that no longer existed, something that Soushi has never been able to truly understand. He's never had a dream, after all, only duty. He's seen the outside world, so he knows how important it is to protect the island where he was born. It's the last remaining paradise, but also it's the place where Kazuki is.

Sometimes Soushi feels guilty for making Kazuki his main priority when he ought to be guarding the island and its core. Even his sister can only manage second best, and her job is far more essential than his. Tsubaki knows this, but she's never once complained. Soushi fights for Kazuki's sake, and that's why he needs an understanding and acceptance of the person he formed such a precious bond with.

It's never as easy as it ought to be, though. They're human. They've both made their mistakes and they've both had prices to pay. Kazuki is the only one who's ever had such an impact on Soushi, and he likes to think of Kazuki as the little prince who fell from the stars and into his life in order to fix his fragile heart.  
Kazuki once remarked that he'd changed, to which Soushi had responded that Kazuki was too busy trying *not* to change. He hadn't understood initially why Kazuki acted the way that he did by leaving the island, and it was only after a lot of thought and a little guidance that he finally reached enlightenment.

Even now, after all that they've been through together, Kazuki still views the world through the eyes of a child. He's afraid of becoming jaded, just like he's afraid of losing himself and who he is. It's been a long time since Soushi toughened himself against the harshness of reality, but Kazuki still clings onto his innocence. He doesn't listen when Soushi warns him against allowing his fallen comrades to be a hindrance. He cries for them. He grieves for them. Most importantly, he remembers them. He's all warmth and compassion while Soushi is coldness and detached observation. His cruelty is a stark contrast to Kazuki's kindness, which is why he never had to think twice about defiling Shouko's grave in order for his paradise to remain a safe haven, or about tarnishing the Hazama family name by starting up malicious rumours.

Soushi still considers them both to be preventative measures to keep others from following in her footsteps. Controlling his charges and keeping order over them are just another two additional duties that Soushi has shouldered since the coming of the Festum, and it isn't something that he tends to lose much sleep over.  
Kazuki knows this, and rather from shying away from Soushi's darker side, he simply chooses to embrace it. He's patient and unwavering and he's slowly teaching Soushi the things that he'd forgotten long ago. He reminds Soushi how unfair it is to discard the smaller things in order to protect the bigger picture, and it's only through Kazuki that Soushi has learnt his most important lesson.

The essential is invisible to the eye. It's only through the heart that it can rightly be seen.

It's ironic that Soushi only saw what he was holding dear after he'd lost it. Kazuki had to leave his life in order for Soushi to realise just how much he needed his stabilising influence, and it was only once he'd gotten it back that he found himself beginning to change.

Soushi needs everything that Kazuki has to offer, even if it's just a smile. It's hard to feel isolated with Kazuki by his side, and it's all thanks to him that Soushi can stay strong. He can count on Kazuki to nudge him in the right direction if he ever finds himself straying from his path, and with the growth of trust comes the tightening of bonds, a place where he belongs and a person that he can share it with.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #14 (what did you say?) and #28 (crazy)

 

Shooting hoops non-stop for almost half an hour would probably have driven most people crazy, but for Kazuki, it was a welcome respite from thinking and worrying. He needed the mind-numbing repetitiveness to stop him remembering the event that had taken place the previous day. It had changed things so drastically between him and Soushi that they hadn't spoken a word to each other since then, and Kazuki found himself wishing fervently that he could have just turned the clock back in order to prevent what had happened.

It wasn't much help when the door to the gym slid open and Maya stepped out onto the court, frowning in concern and letting Kazuki know without even saying anything that she wasn't going to let him run away from his problems.

"You ditched class," she said accusingly. "You've been hiding here all morning, haven't you?"

Kazuki shrugged his shoulders and narrowed his eyes as he took another shot, biting his lip in frustration as the ball hit the rim of the hoop and then bounced off it, rolling across the floor and coming to a stop against the wall. Kazuki made no move to retrieve it.

"Minashiro-kun never turned up either. Were you two fighting again?"

Kazuki said nothing, just walked over to the nearby bench and sat down on it heavily as he pushed the hair out of his eyes with a sigh. He didn't look up when Maya walked over to join him, but he didn't move away either when Maya took her seat.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asked gently. "You'll feel better if you get it off your chest. Seriously, what happened? It must have been serious if it's making you mope like this. *Have* you been arguing with Minashiro-kun?"

"I said something stupid and Soushi probably hates me for it now."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I love him."

Maya's stunned silence was all the response that Kazuki needed to carry on.

"The words just came out of nowhere while we were talking in the staff lounge at Alvis. He bought me juice, but instead of thanking him, I said that I loved him."

He stared down at his hands and waited for Maya to tell him what an idiot he'd been, but she surprised him by asking a question that he hadn't expected in the slightest.

"Which part of this is bad?" she wanted to know.

"All of it," Kazuki said dully. "I shouldn't have said it and Soushi didn't want to hear it. He couldn't get away from me fast enough afterwards. No wonder, really. I’m always burdening him with something or another.”

"Is that what you really think?” Maya pressed. “Do you honestly consider love to be a burden?" Kazuki didn’t answer. He just went back to staring down at his hands. "Do you regret saying those words?" she continued. "Do you truthfully wish that you could take them back?"

"I don't know," said Kazuki miserably. "I wasn't even supposed to say them in the first place, but-"

"They just came out," Maya finished for him. "And now you're afraid to face him again because of all that's happened. Did you ever think that Minashiro-kun might be frightened too? Just turn the tables, Kazuki-kun. How would you feel if Minashiro-kun said that he loved you out of the blue?"

"He wouldn't. Soushi would never-"

"So you're saying that Minashiro-kun isn't capable of loving someone or accepting their love in return? I know he can be cold sometimes, but he's not inhuman."

"I didn't mean it like that! I just...”

Maya shook her head gently. "You're not considering his feelings, Kazuki-kun. You're just going ahead and deciding everything for him when you don't even know what he thinks about the situation. You can't do what's best for Minashiro-kun like that. Saying that you're doing it for his sake would only be callous and insensitive." She paused for a moment and then said, "What do *you* want, Kazuki-kun? Right now, off the top of your head. You can be as selfish as you like, so long as it's the truth."

Kazuki spoke up tentatively. "I want to talk to Soushi. I want to make things right again between us. I want to stop causing him so much trouble. I want him to be happy. That's all."

The sound of someone clearing their throat made Kazuki look up and his eyes widened in shock when he saw who was standing by the entrance of the gym.

"Soushi!"

Said boy looked awkward and unsure of himself, but he gave a nod of recognition. 

"Kazuki."

Maya jumped to her feet and dusted off the back of her skirt. "You know what? I just remembered something that I need to be doing. I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?"

Kazuki nearly called out for her not to go, but Maya just gave him a wink of encouragement before finally taking her leave. Silence settled over the court when the door snapped shut behind her and Kazuki fixed his gaze on the floor.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," Soushi told him. "Why did you feel the need to consult with Toomi?"

"I didn't. She just appeared on her own and we ended up talking."

"I see." Soushi gestured at the spot that Maya had recently vacated. "May I?"  
Kazuki shrugged one shoulder in a “be my guest” manner, so Soushi walked over to the bench and sat down beside him, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap. "You wanted to talk. Shall we?"

Kazuki nodded, but now that Soushi was actually right there with him, he'd suddenly found himself at a loss for words. "I'm not really sure what to say," he admitted finally. "Other than sorry, I mean. Because I said..." Kazuki trailed off, blushing. "Well, you know."

"That you love me,” Soushi said, unusually straightforward for once. “Well? Do you?"

Kazuki nodded once again. There was no point in trying to hide anymore. "Yeah. I do. I love you."

It slipped out even more easily than it had done the first time he'd said it, and he waited for Soushi to refuse them. It never happened.

"Thank you, Kazuki. Thank you for saying those words."

Kazuki turned his gaze on Soushi for the first time since he'd noticed him, and rather than regarding him coolly or cautiously, there was a slight warmth to Soushi's expression. He found himself blurting it out all over again. "I love you." Earnestness had replaced his previous hesitance, and he watched as Soushi inclined his head.

"I know. Thank you."  
"But I do. I love you." Kazuki could see the amusement in Soushi's eyes, and he found himself feeling somewhat braver, if a little confused. "What's so funny?"

"You said you wanted to talk," replied Soushi. "All we've done so far is repeat ourselves."

"At least we're being honest," said Kazuki. "It's better than running away, isn't it?"

And even though Soushi had yet to return the words, he was smiling, and that was more than enough for Kazuki. It wasn't everything he'd been hoping for, but it was certainly a start.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #11 (bitter honey) and #30 (touch me)

 

Kazuki hates his hands. He'll sit and stare at them for hours sometimes, just trying to comprehend how he could use them to do such awful things. His vision eventually blurs and grows unfocused if he stares long enough, and that's when he sees the bloodstains. He remembers Soushi's cries of pain, his anger and his accusation. He remembers his own horror and fear, the way that he ran and ran without looking back. He also remembers locking himself in the bathroom and letting the hot water stream over his red-streaked fingers until they were raw and blistered, washing and washing and sobbing helplessly, scalding his cheeks with tears.

He doesn't understand why Soushi has never hated him. He's never shown any sign of loathing or resentment, but that just makes things even worse. He simply continues to protect Kazuki the way that he's always done, ever since they were children, and Kazuki can't stand it. He hates it when Soushi covers for him and he hates it when Soushi accepts the blame that should rightfully belong to him. It only makes the guilt grow ever stronger, makes the debt that he owes Soushi grow ever larger, and Kazuki feels himself falling deeper with no way of apologising for what he's done.

The scar on Soushi's eye serves as a constant reminder for Kazuki and he finds himself staring at it almost as often as he stares at his hands. He can still see Soushi's tears of blood inside his mind, even though the wound itself healed years ago. It's always there to let him know just what he's capable of doing, binding him to Soushi in a way that makes escaping next to impossible.  
It's not that he hasn't tried running, because he has. He's still frightened of himself, of the knowledge that he's hurt his most important person. That's why he's always wanted to disappear. That's why he's often found himself wishing that he never existed. Soushi would never have experienced such pain and betrayal if it weren't for him.

Soushi still accepts him, though, no matter how much time passes by. He treats the mark that Kazuki left behind on his body as something to be cherished. That's why he simply smiles and takes Kazuki's hands in his, cradling them against his chest like they're the most precious things in all the world.

Kazuki can't watch as Soushi scatters tender kisses over his fingers. He's afraid that he might see the blood if he dares to look down. His heart is beating far too fast and there's a thick and clogging sensation in his throat, like the taste of bitter honey, and it's getting hard for Kazuki to even breathe properly.

He took Soushi's eye. The only thing he has to offer in return is himself, and that's why he's all for Soushi, no one else. It's just the two of them, scarred and stained and joined by a bond of terrible beauty.

“Touch me,” Soushi whispers, but Kazuki can't, not with these hands. He's terrified that he might hurt Soushi again, that he might do something else that will fill him with regret. Soushi's fingers are always so gentle as they glide over his body, and it makes Kazuki's throat tighten up all the more.

Hate me... hurt me... is what he wants to say, but even if he did manage to get the words out somehow, he knows that Soushi never will.

He doesn't want Soushi to smile, doesn't want to see the love and the admiration directed at him that he doesn't even deserve. None of it matters, though, because he's Soushi's, and Soushi can do whatever he wants with him as long as Kazuki is somehow paying his penance, and maybe, at the end of all things, he might even find himself worthy of forgiveness.

 

~~

 

Theme used: #9 (citrus scent)

 

Soushi isn't used to treatment like this. He's taken care of himself to the best of his abilities for as long as he can remember, and it's very different to have someone else do the job for him.

Dinner every night at seven.

Clean clothing neatly laid out by his bed when he wakes up every morning.

The homely smell of cooking and citrus-scented cleaner coming from the kitchen.

A freshly made breakfast and a carefully wrapped boxed lunch waiting for him when he goes downstairs.

"Is this really for me?" he asks dubiously.

"Yes," Kazuki smiles. "It's all yours, Soushi."

 

~~

 

Theme used: #15 (don't leave it hanging)

 

"Are you sure you dropped it here? I can't seem to find it anywhere."

"It's there. I know it."

"It's just a hair tie, though. Can't you buy a new one instead?"

"But I like this one. I've had it for a long time now."

"Well, if it really means that much to you." Kazuki braces his weight on one forearm and continues to fish under the desk with his fingers. It's been over a full minute since he got down on all fours at Soushi's request and began his search, but he still hasn't found what he's looking for. "I really don't think it's here."

"Look harder. I don't want to stop now and leave things hanging. Maybe if you reach further back."

Kazuki slides the rest of his arm under the desk and Soushi stares shamelessly as his ass rises up in the air. There's a scuffing and a scrabbling sound and it's quickly followed by Kazuki's muffled cry of triumph. He backs out from under the desk with a smile, glancing over his shoulder at Soushi and holding up his prize.

"You were right, it was here all along." He stops talking abruptly when Soushi gets down and mounts him, and it's enough to make him nearly drop the hair tie in his shock. "Soushi? What on earth-"

He trails off weakly when Soushi's lips begin to nuzzle at his neck.

"You hold onto it, Kazuki. I don't think I'll be needing it for a while."

"But you said this was important."

"So I did."

And Soushi goes right on to prove his claim.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #12 (ice-skating) and #19 (mirror)

 

It starts, as most things tend to do, with speech.

"Strip," says Soushi.

Kazuki does so without hesitation, his obedience automatic to Soushi's commands. Maybe it's because he's spent too much time connected to Soushi through the Siegfried System, but he finds no ready argument or reason to challenge Soushi's authority.

It isn't long before he finds himself standing naked before Soushi and working on ridding the other boy of his own clothing at Soushi's instruction. Soushi doesn't like messiness and disorder, so Kazuki takes more care with Soushi's things that he does with his, folding them neatly and placing them down onto the nearby desk.

Soushi's room is as empty and sterile as ever and the only splashes of colour standing out against the white paint on the walls and the white sheets on the bed are Kazuki's pants and tee shirt. He knows that it's only nerves and awkwardness that makes Soushi act this way, which is why he never takes offence by Soushi's attitude. He needs to be in charge of every situation, and once he's grasped onto that control, it's difficult to wrench it out of his hands. That's why Kazuki is so passive in the face of Soushi's aggressiveness, letting him do as he wants and only making a move of his own when he judges that Soushi feels comfortable enough.

Soushi's hands are warm and rough and always so precise. They've spent enough nights together now for him to know what makes Kazuki feel good and his fingers immediately search out the spots that bring the best responses. He builds on experience, learning as he goes and storing each new piece of information in his memory as he causes Kazuki to jerk or sigh or shudder.

Kazuki is expressive and Soushi likes to watch him. He's always watching, always thinking, always absorbing and evaluating things. He wants reasons and explanation and information, but more importantly, he wants to understand. He wants to know how and why and where and what and Kazuki's body is the place where he likes to seek out his answers.

"Turn around."

Kazuki does, getting onto his knees and bracing his palms against the wall, shivering when Soushi's fingers trace over his spine. It doesn't take long for them to move down lower and Kazuki finds himself arching and hissing when those same fingers slip inside him.

His whole body is quivering in anticipation and it feels like skating over thin ice as he waits for Soushi to move things further, biting down hard on his lower lip and holding his breath when Soushi's fingers eventually withdraw. They're soon replaced by his cock, and all the air leaves Kazuki's lungs on a half-moan, half-sigh when Soushi presses into him.

Soushi starts to move, letting his hands rove possessively over Kazuki's chest as he thrusts. His mouth gets in on the action, too, and it isn't long before Kazuki's neck and shoulders are scattered with bruises and bite marks. He can hear Soushi grunting softly into his ear with the exertion and he mirrors them with noises of his own as little gasps and whimpers are forced past his lips.

Their previously languid pace begins to quicken as Soushi's hands rest over Kazuki's hips, gripping them tight, as Kazuki's own fingers tug purposefully at his arousal. He comes with a shudder and a stifled moan that could almost be Soushi's name, and it doesn't take much more time for Soushi to follow.  
Soushi has one more thing to say as their breathing gradually slows down, but it's more of a request than a demand this time, pushing his face against the crook of Kazuki's neck in the first sign of vulnerability that he's shown so far.

"Stay."

Kazuki smiles when he hears that, waiting for Soushi to disengage himself before sliding his arms around Soushi and gently guiding his head to rest on his shoulder. Soushi's eyes are closed and he doesn't protest or resist when Kazuki finally takes his turn in touching. Soushi leans heavily against him and sighs as Kazuki's fingers stroke his hair, his face, anything within reach.

Soushi is calmer now, letting Kazuki hold him close, letting him whisper soothing words. He likes it and he wants it and he needs it. Kazuki is here and he trusts him and it's okay for him to let go a little while things are still like this.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #8 (say it loud), #20 (crow) and #22 (cheer up)

 

Lunch break at school was never anything out of the ordinary, at least not for Sakura, Kenji and Mamoru. The three of them would always sit and eat together while Kenji got up to his usual pranks and Mamoru gave them the low-down on his newest manga issue. Today was different, however, in that Mamoru noticed something that had never happened before until now.

"Hey," he said suddenly, causing the other two to glance up from their food. "Soushi's brought a boxed lunch for the first time ever!"

"Really?" said Kenji. "I never thought he actually ate."

"Of course he does, moron," Sakura told him disdainfully. "Every human being needs to eat, even if they're Soushi."

Mamoru wasn't listening, however. He was too busy staring over at Soushi's table. "Whoa, is that a Love Wife Lunch? I wonder who could have given it to him?"

Kenji was about to shout out to Soushi and ask, but Sakura covered his mouth again and she used her free to punch him in the gut. 

"Ssh!” 

He sputtered weakly in response and the other two tried not to look as though they weren't busy gossiping about their classmate. It wasn't clear whether Soushi suspected anything or not, but he definitely seemed to be irritated by the noise. It didn't take him long for him to gather his things and leave, but not before casting a frown of annoyance in their direction as he walked out the door.

Mamoru breathed a sigh of relief and Sakura moved her hand away at last. "It's seriously weird, though, don't you think? Soushi's never brought lunch to school before, and when he does, he brings in one like that. Did you see the way that it was wrapped? Did you see what was inside it?"

"It had to have been made by a girl," said Kenji authoritatively. "Even mothers don't usually put that much effort into making a boxed lunch. It's got to be a wife!"

"Don't be stupid," said Sakura. "Soushi isn't married!"

"But he could be," Mamoru pointed out reasonably. "He's a really private person. He could have had a wedding in secret!"

"Yeah, but who would he marry?" asked Kenji. "And who could have made him that lunch? I know Soushi’s super-smart and all, but he can't cook a proper meal to save his life. He can't have made a lunch *that* good." He furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "Maybe Toomi made it?"

"She can't cook either," said Mamoru dismissively. "Besides, I didn't think they liked each other all that much."

"Maybe it was one of the underclassmen who made it?"

"I don't think he even talks to any of them. In any case, now that I think about it, Soushi has never really liked girls before."

"That doesn't stop them from liking him, though," Kenji pointed out.

"Even if they did like him, they're all far too afraid to go anywhere near him," Sakura cut in. "If you two can't even stand up to Soushi, what chance do you think any of the younger kids have?"

The three of them were still deep in discussion when Kazuki approached them, and it was only when he cleared his throat that they actually looked up and took notice of him.

"What are you guys talking about?" he asked. "It sounds like something serious."  
"That's because we're busy getting to the bottom of a mysterious mystery," Kenji said importantly. Did *you* know that Soushi brought a Love Wife Lunch to school today?"

"Of course," Kazuki said simply. "I made it for him."

Dead silence fell over the group. They could even hear the faint sound of a crow cawing in the distance, until Kenji leapt out of his seat in shock. "*You're* the one who made that thing?" 

"Well, I know that Soushi doesn't eat like he should do, so I decided to start making up something that he can have while he's at school," said Kazuki. "That and I wanted to see if I could cheer him up a little. He's been pretty busy lately, after all. He works too hard sometimes."

"But...” Kenji seemed to be at a loss for words, so he snatched Kazuki's hand and peered down at it closely. "You're not even wearing a ring," he said accusingly. “And you made him a Love Wife Lunch! Only married people get to eat things like that."

Kazuki stared blankly back at him. 

"So you're saying that you're doing all this stuff for Soushi without getting anything in return? That sucks.” Kenji took Kazuki by the shoulders and forcefully pushed him down into his empty seat. "Stay there. Mamoru, Sakura and me are going to teach you all about life."

"We are?" asked Mamoru.

"Yes, we are," said Kenji firmly. "By the time we're through with him, Kazuki will be a changed man, and if he doesn't get a ring from Soushi, we'll at least make sure that he actually gets laid.”

 

~~

 

Themes used: #10 (all for us) and #29 (still in my lips)

 

It hurts sometimes, to live a half-life that's filled with regrets, especially when Kazuki thinks of all the things he should have done with Soushi but never did. An existence without Soushi by his side isn't anything that Kazuki has ever considered until now. After all, he's never had reason to. The two of them have been together since childhood and the idea of Soushi simply not being there for him has always been hard to imagine. He needs Soushi more than anything, to keep him strong, to remind him what he's fighting for, to help give meaning to his life, and it's only now that Soushi is gone that Kazuki realises just how much he's come to rely and depend on him.

It's difficult to find himself standing all alone. It's difficult to find his footing in a world that suddenly feels so empty. It's difficult to get by on nothing more than whispered wishes and murmured memories. The only thing that Kazuki finds himself able to do with relative ease these days is think, and even then, his mind is only filled with thoughts of what he's lost.

He regrets never telling Soushi that he loves him. Soushi probably knew, of course, but Kazuki would give anything to say the words out loud for Soushi to hear them. There's never been room in his heart for anyone else, but now it's splintered and shattered, and the only person who can put the pieces back together again is no longer with him.

He regrets never kissing Soushi before. They've shared so much of their thoughts and feelings, but the only thing they haven't experienced is physical intimacy. Kazuki wants so badly to know what Soushi's kisses would feel like, what his caresses would feel like and what his embraces would feel like, but now that Soushi is gone, he might never find the answers to any of those questions.

He regrets never apologising to Soushi. There are many things that Kazuki feels sorry for, but most of all, he wishes he could find a way to apologise for all the pain and all the trouble and all the confusion that he's caused. He's hurt his most important person in the past and that's why Kazuki would do anything to make up for it.

In the end, though, none of this matters as much as staying strong does. Kazuki can live with the pain and the loneliness because Soushi made him a promise. As long as he continues to believe then Soushi will return to him one day, and Kazuki is prepared to wait forever if that's what it will take, and when that day finally comes, it'll be something that exists only for the two of them.

He'll tell Soushi all the things he never did. He'll say the words until his throat tears up and his voice runs dry, and when that happens, he'll kiss him with every bit of longing that he has so that Soushi can taste the emotions himself that still linger on his lips. It'll all be worth it in the end, just so long as he continues to wait, and he waits because he believes in Soushi.  
He trusts Soushi to keep his promises.

 

~~

 

Theme used: #21 (creating common memories with me)

 

The afternoon was getting late, but Soushi had received orders to meet with Fumihiko in the staff lounge at Alvis. He hadn't given any details of what he intended to discuss, but Soushi assumed that it would be something to do with either battle tactics or the performance of the pilots under his supervision.

Once he reached his destination he opened up the airlock and waited for the door to slide open. Fumihiko was waiting for him, sitting composedly on one of the nearby recliners, and he straightened up a little when Soushi stepped inside.

"Take a seat." Fumihiko gestured to the empty recliner next to his and waited for Soushi to make himself comfortable before speaking up again. "We're off-duty right now. There's no need for you to be so formal."

Soushi nodded. In spite of Fumihiko's request, he continued to be reserved and respectful, and although he found himself growing somewhat bewildered over why Fumihiko could have called for him, he decided to get straight to the point instead of waiting. 

"What is it that you want to discuss?" 

"I want to talk to you about Kazuki.” Smiling for the first time since Soushi had entered the room, Fumihiko added, "Don't look so worried. He's not in trouble. It isn't something that I feel entirely comfortable with talking about, but since it's you..."

Soushi narrowed his eyes as Fumihiko took a deep breath and let it out again on a drawn-out sigh. Now that he was looking closely, he could see the signs of tiredness in the older man's face, and he found himself wondering just what could be troubling him in such a fashion.

After a moment, Fumihiko continued.

"You probably know already about the changes in Kazuki's chromosomes. It's regrettable that something like this would happen, but it's one of the side effects of piloting Fafner. Toomi-sensei has been monitoring Kazuki's progress, but the more he goes out to fight-"

"The closer we bring him to being assimilated by the elements that run inside his genes," Soushi finished.

"It can't be helped," Fumihiko said wearily. "It's a necessary protection that enables the children to eliminate Festum. Fafner serves to trigger the assimilation process that would ordinarily be lying dormant, and in pilots with higher aptitude... well, I’m sure you’re aware. Because of that, Kazuki’s lifespan is being shortened dramatically. We don't know how much longer he has left."

Soushi didn't speak. There was nothing he could say. None of the adults ever talked about it, but Soushi saw the strain on their faces every day. Once again they'd found themselves being forced to keep the truth away from their children, and although Soushi himself wasn't sure whether or not it was the right thing to do in this particular situation, he respected their decision.

There were times when he suspected Kazuki knew, however. Neither his father nor Toomi-sensei had told him anything, but Kazuki had always been perceptive. If something was wrong, then he'd pick up on it. He might not have worked out most of the details, but with Kazuki being Kazuki, he probably would have gotten a general idea.

After another moment of silence, Fumihiko rose to his feet. He didn't seem quite as weary as he had been earlier, and although he still appeared to be resigned about something, Soushi could see a glimmer of determination in the older man's features.

"There's nothing I can do for Kazuki anymore," Fumihiko finally confessed. "I can only leave him in your care from now on."

Soushi had been startled by the older man's frankness and he found himself being even more taken aback when Fumihiko actually bowed before him.

"We live in a time of uncertainty, Soushi-kun," Fumihiko continued after he’d straightened up. "That's what happens when people are at war. We lose lives. We lose the things that we hold most precious. Sometimes we even find ourselves starting to despair, but even so, I want Kazuki to treasure what he has left. I want him to find some sort of happiness while he still can. I want him to make memories that will help keep him strong. I've done all that I can for him as a father, but now I'm passing on that responsibility to you."

Soushi didn't know whether to feel amused or offended by what Fumihiko had said, but he settled for offering up a rueful smile. "You talk as though you're giving me Kazuki's hand in marriage."

Fumihiko regarded him solemnly. "Just makes sure that he never has anything to regret. This is the only request that I’ll ever make of you." He bowed once again, deeper this time. "Please take care of my son."

"You're serious," Soushi said, as the situation finally began to settle in on him.

"All too well," said Fumihiko. "I can only hope that you choose to accept and honour my request."

Soushi looked away uncertainly. "I'm not sure if I deserve to take on such a role. I'm not even sure if Kazuki would accept it."

"You have more influence over him than me," Fumihiko told him. "You're the one who holds Kazuki's trust. You're his reason for fighting. Everything he does is for your sake, Soushi-kun. Only a fool would throw away such devotion and loyalty."

"I intend to do no such thing," Soushi said sharply. "I would never abandon Kazuki. My duty is to protect him. It always has been and it always will be."

"I know," said Fumihiko simply. "I wouldn't have be giving Kazuki away like this if I didn't think that you were capable of offering him the support that he needs." He smiled slightly. "I'll leave Kazuki to you, Soushi-kun. Don't make me regret my decision."

"I won't," Soushi promised. Then he returned Fumihiko's bow with one of his own. "I am very grateful for this privilege. I will indeed honour your request."

And as Fumihiko walked away, there was only one thing left for Soushi to do.

He had to talk to Kazuki.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #3 (no promises) and #5 (screw the red roses/send me the thorns)

 

Kazuki's afraid. He never realised it until now, but Soushi has changed. He's changed so much that Kazuki doesn't understand him anymore, and he can't help wondering when they began to grow apart.

He doesn't want to lose Soushi, but he knows he can't keep going the way that he has been. He follows Soushi's orders without question. He fights because Soushi tells him to. He doesn't know Soushi's reasons and he doesn't know Soushi's true intentions. He doesn't know anything anymore, and that's what frightens him most.

He doesn't want to become jaded. He doesn't want to lose himself. He can't continue being controlled by Soushi like a mindless puppet.

The two of them have never made any promises, but there's still an obligation on Kazuki's part to make up for what he took. It was enough in the beginning just to be a replacement for Soushi's left eye, but Kazuki can no longer keep up with him. He's confused and vulnerable while Soushi is always so cold and distant. He's there but he's not there, just like in the Siegfried System. Kazuki can feel his presence, but he can't touch it with his own two hands. Soushi always stays frustratingly out of reach.

Lately, he's been feeling himself changing, too. He doesn't even recognise his own existence anymore, doesn't even know what he's turning into. Sometimes he feels as though he's merely a piece of property with Soushi's name branded onto it. Soushi does whatever he wants, knowing it's his right, knowing Kazuki won't stop him.

Once upon a time they were friends. They were happy. They were innocent. They were close.

Nowadays they're so far apart. They've seen too much, felt too much, hurt too much. Soushi never smiles anymore and the only thing that Kazuki feels now is sadness. Their relationship is tangled and thorny and stifling, like Soushi is bleeding the life out of him. It's numbing Kazuki, making him forget his purpose and his place.

How can he understand Soushi if he doesn't even understand himself?

Kazuki doesn't want his path to close. He doesn't want to lose his way. It's hard to move forward when he keeps on looking back, though, and the temptation to give up and disappear is always there.

Still, Kazuki doesn't want to admit defeat just yet. He still has hope, even if it's only a small flicker. He can't fight the fact that he's becoming different, but he knows that not all change is bad. He wants to reach that understanding with Soushi, however hard it is. Everything he does is for Soushi. It always has been and it always will be. He wants to close the gap between them, and the only way to do that is to learn.

That's why he finds himself leaving the island. No matter how scared he is, he'll never run away, not from his troubles and definitely not from Soushi. It might not bring things back the way they were between them, but it's a start. He's not following instructions anymore, but it's still for Soushi's sake, and if they have to keep changing, then Kazuki wants them to do so, together.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #2 (ultra-relax) and #4 (cold body)

 

Kazuki likes getting hugs from Soushi. It doesn't happen very often, but Soushi will surprise him once in a while by showing his emotions without being prompted. Sometimes it's spontaneous, like when Kazuki is upset or disappointed about something. He'll suddenly find himself with Soushi's arms around him, and even though Soushi never usually says anything, it's enough just to feel him close.

There are other times when Soushi's actions are a little more calculated. He's always had a tendency for getting jealous easily and this makes his embrace more possessive than comforting. Kazuki doesn't mind. It's partly amusing, partly endearing, and it seems to soothe Soushi's insecurities somewhat.

The more intimate embraces that Soushi has to offer are altogether different. There's nothing sweet or innocent about these ones. They're sinful and sensual and they often leave Kazuki breathless and gasping. It's all in aid of arousal, not reassurance, and it's sometimes so intense that it's not just control that Kazuki comes close to losing but his mind.

His favourite type of embrace, however, has always been when Soushi holds him from behind. It's not totally dissimilar to how it feels when he's connected to Soushi through the Siegfried System, and although they've shared their thoughts and feelings many times before, there's nothing that can beat an actual physical connection.

Kazuki probably likes these hugs best because they make him feel so safe and secure. Soushi is right there with him and he's not going anywhere. Kazuki will happily lay for hours, unmoving, as long as Soushi continues to stay spooned up behind him. He keeps away the cold and he keeps away the loneliness.  
As long as Soushi is there with him, Kazuki has no need for anything else.

~~

Soushi likes getting smiles from Kazuki. He's lucky in that he gets to see them nearly every minute of every waking hour, and there's not a single smile that he ever feels himself growing tired of, not when they're so varied and frequent.  
Soushi doesn't see Kazuki's hesitant smiles as often anymore, but when he does, he knows that it's an unconscious desire for reassurance. Kazuki has always suffered from uncertainty and low self-esteem. It's because of this that he needs support and encouragement, and when he gets these things, his confidence grows along with his smile, until it's something much more open and genuine.

Soushi also sees the opposite of those smiles, ones that tend to give reassurance rather than seek it out. They're more gentle and concerned, letting Soushi know that he's there and that he's willing to offer his help. It's something that's typical of Kazuki, who's always had a habit of putting other people before himself, and it's something that helps Soushi relax and drop his guard a little.

Soushi is more familiar than he'd like with Kazuki's playful and teasing smiles. Between the two of them, Kazuki has always been the more light-hearted one. He's not afraid to show his affection, but he's also not afraid to poke fun occasionally, as long as it's in a good-natured manner. Soushi isn't usually appreciative of Kazuki's jokes, but then he's always been far too lenient where Kazuki is involved.

Little things like bruised ego and battered pride tend not to matter too much in light of Soushi's favourite smile, though, and it always makes him feel better when Kazuki gets that coy expression on his face. His lips curve upwards in a 'come here' fashion, and Soushi finds himself hard-pressed to refuse such an invitation.

In short, there's not a single smile belonging to Kazuki that Soushi finds himself disliking. They're all different, and they're all something to be treasured, and he doesn't want to lose a single one.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #24 (skylines) and #31 (bookstore)

 

Soushi had never received a present out of the blue before, and so he found himself somewhat baffled when Toomi Maya, of all people, chose to give him one.

"I found this in the bookstore yesterday," was all that she'd said. "I'd like for you to read it, Minashiro-kun."

She walked away before Soushi could even say anything, and his confusion had only grown when he removed the book from its bag and scanned his eyes over the title. Soushi himself would readily admit that he wasn't the best when it came to dealing with and understanding other people, but he still found himself feeling ever so slightly offended about the fact that Maya had bought him a book on human behaviour.

For three days, the book had lain untouched on his desk. Maya never asked him if he'd bothered to read it, but she'd glance over at Soushi as though she was calculating something in her mind, and it bothered him more than he cared to admit. He didn't like not being able to figure out Maya's motives or what could have been going through her mind whenever she gave him one of those piercing looks, and eventually, he found himself giving in.

The staff lounge had been deserted when Soushi made his way inside, and after getting himself a can of juice from the vending machine, he settled down on one of the nearby recliners and opened up his book.

The first couple of chapters had been largely uninteresting. The book was written in such a clinical way that Soushi often found himself skipping pages, but his curiosity was piqued when he reached the section that dealt with interactions and body language. He found himself re-reading a chapter about sexual attraction, just so that he could run things through in his mind and apply them to real life experiences.

It certainly wasn't uncommon for Soushi to find himself thinking of Kazuki, but this time it was important. Soushi found himself casting his mind back and wracking his memory for any little detail that he might not have initially picked up on first time round.

Soushi had always been drawn to Kazuki. Even as children, he'd always favoured Kazuki over the rest of their friends. As the two of them had grown, and hormones began kicking in, Soushi found himself thinking about Kazuki in a slightly different way. Most other boys his age had reached the stage where they were starting to notice the opposite sex, but Soushi had never shown any interest in females, not when he had Kazuki.

If the book that Maya had given him was anything to go by, however, Soushi's attachment hadn't been quite as one-sided as he'd previously feared. He didn't know if he was reading too much into the situation, but it did seem as though Kazuki was interested in him as a potential partner.

According to the book, Kazuki had been flirting with him subconsciously, and Soushi felt ashamed of himself for not noticing the signals sooner. It was another reminder that he didn't know Kazuki quite as well as he'd always thought, and since the last misunderstanding between them had led to Kazuki leaving the island, Soushi decided to forget about his earlier misgivings and start giving the book his full attention.

It all made perfect sense now. He and Kazuki had been close since they were children, so it always felt perfectly natural whenever the two of them ended up saying the same thing at the same time, or whenever they would finish off one another's sentences. There were other things the book had mentioned, such as prolonged eye contact, mirrored body language and little touches.

Soushi had never been a tactile person, but for some reason, he didn’t mind whenever Kazuki would touch his hand or his shoulder. He wouldn't have tolerated the same behaviour from anybody else, though, but Soushi had always just assumed that it was one of the many things that made Kazuki so special.

Unfortunately for Soushi, there were no further chapters on the subject, and the only help he'd been given was to respond to what Kazuki had been doing and start flirting back. The book hadn't offered up any tips or advice, which Soushi found to be frustrating, and he was so engrossed in his reading that he didn't even notice when the alarm overhead suddenly began blaring out. He glanced up absently when the screen in front of him flickered on, however, but most of his focus was still on the book.

"Soushi-kun, we're under attack," Fumihiko told him urgently.

"Okay," Soushi said vaguely as he looked down at his book.

"We need you down here at the CDC!"

"Sure."

"Get Kazuki ready to launch!"

Soushi's head snapped up again immediately. "Kazuki?"

"Yes, now hurry!"

The screen went blank again and Soushi quickly regained his composure. Before he could leave the room, however, he found himself hesitating. He'd just gained some important new information, and he knew that he could easily verify some of his theories via the Siegfried System. Looking into Kazuki's thoughts had never been a problem, so if he really wanted to get some answers...

Then he shook his head. He had on intention of violating Kazuki's privacy, and besides, there was only one way to do this, and that was face-to-face.

~~

Soushi found himself being less attentive at school than he usually would, the next day. His earlier determination was still there, but he'd spent most of the night thinking of an acceptable way in which to return Kazuki's interest. As though sensing that he was currently preoccupied with something, most of his classmates chose to leave him in solitude, but Maya, of course, was always an exception.

Soushi hadn't even noticed her approach. He'd been too busy watching Kazuki, who also seemed to have something on his mind. He was sitting in his usual seat at the back of the class, but instead of going over to talk with Kenji or Mamoru during break, he'd simply turned his chair towards the open window and stared out at the skylines.

Kazuki had always been open and expressive, so it was never too difficult to gauge his emotions. He didn't seem to be upset or annoyed, but his expression was thoughtful and pensive. Soushi wondered what he could be thinking about, but before he had time to ponder the matter any further, he found himself being shaken back to reality by a hand resting over his forearm.

"Did you read the book I gave you yet?"

Soushi got the sneaking suspicion that she already knew the answer. He often found Maya's perceptiveness to be unnerving, even though he'd never admit it.

"Yes, I read it," he said finally.

"And was it helpful?"

Soushi nodded.

"That's good. Shall I tell Kazuki-kun that you'd like to have a word? You do look as though you want to talk with him."

"I'd appreciate that." Before Maya could walk away, however, Soushi cleared his throat. "Toumi, why are you doing this?"

"It's for Kazuki-kun's sake," she said simply. "And because you made me a promise. Remember when I left the island to bring Kazuki-kun back? You swore that you'd talk to him properly for once. I want you and Kazuki-kun to regain the understanding that you lost."

Soushi watched wordlessly as she walked over to where Kazuki was sitting. He greeted her more warmly than Soushi had done, smiling up at her as she spoke before turning his head towards Soushi after she'd finished her sentence. Kazuki seemed faintly surprised by whatever Maya had said to him, but he pushed his chair back anyway, pausing to thank her first before crossing over to Soushi's desk.

"It's a nice day," he said quietly. "Would you like to go outside for a while?"

Soushi nodded, allowing Kazuki to lead him out of the classroom and down the three flights of stairs it took to reach the ground floor. Together they made their way out to the courtyard and once they'd made themselves comfortable on a nearby bench, Kazuki spoke up once again.

"Toomi said that you wanted to talk. Is something the matter?"

"Not exactly," Soushi admitted, threading his fingers together and staring down at the ground. "I just wanted to be with you for a while."

He missed the look of affection that flitted over Kazuki's face, but he did notice when Kazuki shifted so that they were sitting closer together. One of Kazuki's hands came to rest briefly over Soushi's joined ones before pulling away again.

"Okay," said Kazuki. "Let's talk."

It was far more difficult than Soushi had expected. Maya always made it sound so easy, but now that he had Kazuki's full attention, he didn't have a clue what to say. 'Regain the understanding that you lost,' she'd told him, but Soushi had no idea how.

"How have you been feeling?" he asked finally. "I know you went to see Toomi-sensei last week. You're not in any pain, are you?"

"No, I'm not," said Kazuki gently. "It was just a check-up, nothing serious. What about you? How are you feeling, Soushi?"

Again, Soushi found himself at a loss for words. He couldn't even remember the last time anyone had asked him that question, and he wasn't sure whether to answer it truthfully or not.

"I'm fine," he said after a moment.

"Really?" said Kazuki. He wasn't smiling, but there was a teasing lilt to his voice. 'I'm fine,' was Soushi's standard response, even if he wasn't feeling that way, and Kazuki knew that better than anybody.

"Yes, really," said Soushi. Then he paused. "But there is something that's bothering me right now.” He licked his dry lips and wondered how he ought to get the words out. "I am very interested in you."

Kazuki seemed baffled by this and he cocked his head to one side, looking curious. "Haven't you always been interested in me, though? We've been friends for a long time, after all."

"This is a different kind of interest," Soushi assured him hastily. "It's something that I wish to pursue with you after recognising the appropriate signals." He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, deciding that now was the time to just get straight to the point. He raised his gaze to meet Kazuki's, straightening his posture and speaking very formally. "Makabe Kazuki, I hereby request permission to officially commence our courtship."

“Are you trying to ask me out on a date?" Kazuki said hesitantly.

Soushi nodded curtly.

"Then I guess I should accept." Kazuki smiled again and gave a slight bow, ever polite. "Thank you for the invitation."

"You're welcome," said Soushi, giving a nod of his own in return, and suddenly, it didn't feel as though he'd need to look at the book that Maya had given him again.

 

~~

 

Themes used: #6 (lady, lady, lady) and #13 (hair ribbons)

 

"And this makes your eighth consecutive defeat!" Kenji crowed in triumph, as Kazuki slumped his shoulders in resignation. "Now we have to think of a suitable punishment for you."

"Kazuki-kun, we all know how bad you are at card games," Maya said, looking sympathetic. "You really didn't have to take Kondou-kun up on his challenge."

"It's a guy thing, Toomi, you wouldn't understand," Kenji said dismissively, ignoring the way Maya stuck her tongue out at him in retort as he rubbed his chin in a thoughtful manner. "We’ve finished the chores already, so it's not like we can force you to wash dishes again."

"So make up something more inventive," Mamoru suggested, face buried inside his beloved manga. "After all, eight losses in a row deserves nothing less."

Suddenly inspired, Kenji leapt to his feet and pointed a finger at Kazuki as he spoke in a dramatic and overly loud tone of voice. "Because you just lost to me eight times, Makabe Kazuki, I demand that you spend all of tomorrow dressed in women's clothing!!"

The other occupants of the room sat in stunned silence for a moment, until Kazuki spoke up in panic.

"You’re not serious, are you?”  
Kenji only leered. "I'd tell you to borrow something from Sakura, but she dresses and acts enough like a man to actually be one, so you'd only be wasting your time."

An empty cup flew across the room and hit Kenji squarely in the face, and Sakura raised her right fist threateningly.

"Care to repeat that, moron?"

"No, ma'am," Kenji mumbled sheepishly. Then he turned to Maya. “Can’t you lend him some clothes, Toomi?”

"Not if Kazuki-kun doesn't want to go through with it," Maya insisted. "It seems kind of cruel if you ask me. Don't you think so, Minashiro-kun?"

"It's Kazuki's responsibility for his loss," Soushi said flatly. "He has no reason to complain or refuse."

"That's not fair," cried Kazuki. "How would you feel if you had to go through with something like this?"

"Let it be a lesson. It'll teach you to think twice the next time a person challenges you to anything."

"That's right!" grinned Kenji. "Soushi's our leader, so what he says goes. You lost big time, Kazuki, and now you have to pay for it."

"But we have school tomorrow," Kazuki reminded him weakly.

"All the more people to be humiliated in front of!" 

~~

The next morning, Kazuki found himself hesitating as he made his way down the stairs. He knew that his father would be reading his usual morning paper as he drank his tea, and other than climbing out of his bedroom window, there was no other way for Kazuki to leave the house except for the front entrance.

He looked down at himself and sighed heavily as he wondered what sort of explanation he ought to make up when his father inevitably asked why he was dressed in such a fashion.

It had been bad enough when he'd gone over to the Toomi residence the previous night and Maya had made him sit on the edge of her bed as she handed outfit after outfit to him. There wasn't much of a difference in height between them, so it hadn't been too difficult for Maya to find him something suitable. The light blue summer dress had been shorter than he would have liked, but it was loose and comfortable enough for him to wear, although he had felt fairly ridiculous once he'd put it on.  
He couldn't hang about any longer though, and with a determined frown, Kazuki made up his mind. He was pleased to see his father with his face buried in the paper, as it meant that he'd be able to slip past him without being seen.

"I'm off, Dad," he called.

"Sure," Fumihiko replied absently. "Have a safe tri-" He looked up from the headline that he'd just been reading and trailed off when he caught sight of his son. He stared for a moment and then said, unflappable as ever, "You appear to be wearing a dress.”

Kazuki tried not to die of embarassment. “I borrowed it from Toomi."

A few seconds passed, then Fumihiko returned to his newspaper.

"Just be back before it gets dark," was all that he said.

~~

The first person to see Kazuki was Rina, who didn’t even recognise him from behind and simply assumed him to be a new student until she caught sight of his face.

"Kazuki-senpai? What on earth is with that outfit?"

Kazuki shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. "It’s a punishment for losing at card games."

Rina continued to gawk as he walked the rest of the way down the hall towards the third years' classroom, completely ignoring Seri when she came up behind her. 

"I never knew Kazuki-senpai liked to wear women's clothing."

"You heard him," Seri reminded her. "He lost a game. It's not as though he's wearing it for fun."

"Well, yeah, but...” Rina sighed wistfully. "Still, I'd kill for legs like that."

~~

It had taken every bit of Kazuki's courage to slide the door of the classroom open, and even though he'd been expecting it, Kenji's howls of laughter still caused him to cringe as he stepped inside.

"I should have brought a camera so that I could capture this beautiful moment for all eternity!"

"Kondou-kun, don't be mean," chided Maya as she nodded apologetically in Kazuki's direction. "I know you don't like this, Kazuki-kun, but you don't look as bad as you think."

"Toomi's right," said Mamoru. "You’re way more attractive in a dress than Sakura."

A punch to the gut from said female sent him sprawling as Kenji admired the results of his victory. "I've never had such a wonderful idea before. I'm so brilliant it's scary!" He turned his gaze on the solitary figure sitting at the back of the room and raised his voice. "Soushi, what do you think about Kazuki's new look?"

Soushi peered up from his book and raised an eyebrow in response. "What do you want me to say?"

"I dunno, tell him he looks hot or something."

Soushi ran his gaze over Kazuki, who tried not to shrink back. "You look hot," he repeated tonelessly, before going back to what he'd been reading.

If the earlier humiliation he'd suffered through hadn't been bad enough, Soushi's complete lack of interest was even worse, and Kazuki found himself wishing that he could sink through the floor in order to escape his current situation. Kenji showed an unusual display of perceptiveness when he strode over to Soushi and clamped a hand down onto his shoulder.

"Hey, don't be like that. I thought you of all people would appreciate my grand scheme!"

Soushi narrowed his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Kenji's earlier gusto disappeared when he recognised the warning signs for having pushed Soushi too far, and he quickly removed his hand in order to set a little distance between them. 

"Well, you know... I mean, you're always looking at Kazuki and getting jealous when anybody else looks at him and-"

"It's okay, Kenji," Kazuki interrupted as he took his seat. "Soushi was right. It's my responsibility to accept the loss that I suffered. It isn't fair to drag other people into it."

Kenji seemed even more surprised by Kazuki's show of maturity and he could only watch in amazement as Kazuki composed himself by getting out his notes and text books. He soon regained his usual zest, however, when break time rolled round. Word had been quick to travel around the school grounds, and the third year class found themselves under siege by curious underclassmen all jostling for a good look at Kazuki. Predictably, most of them were female, as evinced by the near-constant squeals and coos of delight. Rina was one of them, although her noises were slightly less enthusiastic than her fellow classmates'.

"If only Kazuki-senpai were a real girl," she said mournfully. "Then I could have given him my one hundred percent support."

"You just want an excuse to lust after him," Seri accused.

"Oh no, I'd never do that. He looks great in a dress, but it'd be so much better if he had the parts to go with it."

"You really *are* shameless, aren't you?"

Rina didn't get the chance to respond, as the classroom door slid open yet again to reveal their newest visitor. Tsubaki was so small compared to her fellow students that she slipped easily through the throng and latched onto the centre of attention with a huge smile.

"Looking good, Kazuki."

A couple of other female students gasped.

"Did you hear that? She just called him by name!"

"Tsubaki-chan is so forward!"

Kazuki seemed more bothered by Tsubaki's public display of affection than by her lack of formality. "You don’t have to be nice. I look and feel foolish."

Another collective gasp rose up as the underclassmen hurried to assure him that he didn't look silly at all, but Kazuki, unused to being such a star attraction, only sank lower into his seat.

"It's not fair, dammit," cried Kenji as he clawed at his hair in an agonised fashion. "How come *Kazuki* is so popular with the opposite sex? If this is what it takes to make girls notice me, maybe I should wear a dress too!"

Mamoru looked as though he might throw up. "Please don't. Just thinking about it makes me want to lose my lunch." He blinked in confusion as Soushi pushed past him, then leaned in so that he could whisper into Kenji's ear. "Is it just me or is Soushi looking *really* angry right now?"

Kenji shuddered. "No, it's not you. He’s definitely pissed."

The two of them watched as Soushi tried his best to work his way through the crowd without banging into anybody. Kazuki waved a hand and called out for him desperately.

"Save me, Soushi!"  
Soushi's expression was utterly bland, but his voice was sharp enough to cut ice. "Don't expect other people to clean your mess up for you, Kazuki. Now leave me out of this and don't bother me again."

And with that, he left the room.

Kazuki seemed hurt and bewildered, but Kenji and Mamoru turned to each other with a knowing nod as they spoke in unison.

“Someone's in trouble."

~~

It was only thanks to Tsubaki's help that Kazuki had been able to escape his new admirers, and he ran as hard as he could in order to catch up with Soushi. "Wait, I need to talk to you!"

Soushi stopped in his tracks and turned to regard Kazuki distastefully. "You have ribbons in your hair. Did you know?"

Kazuki's cheeks turned pink and he quickly reached up in order to remove the offending items. "One of our kouhai put them there. She wouldn't seem to take no for an answer."

Soushi's expression softened a little, but he still seemed slightly miffed. "You worry too much, Kazuki. Just go back to class."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." Kazuki's brow was furrowed stubbornly in a way that let Soushi knew that he was in for a fight. 

"You're angry and it's all my fault. That's why I want to try and fix things between us, but how can we ever reach an understanding if we won't even talk to each other?" He reached out tentatively and touched Soushi's arm. "Talk to me, please."

Soushi's earlier irritation seemed to disappear when he heard that, and he gave Kazuki a smile that was half-rueful, half-indulgent. "You seem to be getting a lot of attention in that outfit," he said.

"And you think I actually wanted any of it?" said Kazuki, shaking his head. "The whole morning has been like something out of a nightmare. I can't wait to get home so that I can change into something normal." Then he looked away. "Is what why you're mad? Because I'm embarrassing you, just by being at your side?"

"That's not it," Soushi told him. "Kenji said it earlier, but you interrupted before I got the chance to confirm or deny it."

"What did he say?"  
"That I get jealous when other people look at you."

Kazuki's face turned even redder at that and he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the ground. "Oh. Well, there isn't really anything I can do to fix that, other than blindfolding everyone in school or hiding out someplace where they won't be able to see me."

“That’s not such a bad idea,” Soushi said, totally serious.

Kazuki tried hard not to laugh. "Are you stealing me away?"

Soushi stared down at him solemnly. "It doesn't count as theft if it's something that I consider to be rightfully mine."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Have you ever known me to tell jokes?"

"No. I think the sun would explode if that happened."

"Then let's leave before it does."

"Where are you taking me?"

"To paradise."

"Not in this outfit. They'd kick me out before I could even open the door."

 

End.


End file.
